Every day I sit in meditation with the intention to simply be present with my guru Amma. I sit quietly, breathing Her name, feeling gratitude, knowing She is there, everywhere, even if I cannot see. Moving deeper into silence, often I can feel Her, as though She is actually in the room. It does not feel like my imagination or a fantasy, which would feel vaporous and ungrounded. Nor does it feel like a mental projection in which I have left my body, wanting to be somewhere other than I am. It feels like the opposite.
It seems as I deepen my ability to be present, settling in further still, I find Her. She was always there, only I was unable to see with my five senses. It is as though I become so deeply rooted, vital and expansive that my energy body opens to be in Her physical location, wherever She may be at that time, perhaps in a meditation hall sharing the infinite love She is by receiving thousands of seekers in one sit.
At times, I feel Her so close, it is as though I were having Her darshan, held in Her Divine embrace. I can smell Her fragrance, as sweet as a thousand roses. I can see Her white sari disappear into the immense vast oceans of pure, deep space, the play of consciousness.
At times, as I sit quietly, present in meditation, I feel that all that is around me, the air, the ethers, all of matter, is She. I am literally breathing Her, the feeling as palpable as physical touch. It is as though a merging occurs, through the breath. Then the feeling of my skin-sheath-body disappears and She is everywhere, everything. All that remains is the sense of this immense space, no me, no them, no later, no before, just an infinite expansive now. In that place, all is perfection.
It is my sincere wish to cultivate purity of heart and mind so that this body/being may be a humble vehicle for Her Divine love and will. The only way I know to cultivate this is to develop single-pointed focus so that I see all I experience as Her teachings reflected back to me. In this, there is an inseparable closeness, a profound trust and ever-deeper sense of surrendered letting go. This life then becomes a repeated turning all towards Her through an engaged, alive, moment-to-moment meditation practice. Any notion of separation is too much to bear. The call to the One is all that remains.
With Grace, may we all be filled with the Divine Love of pure consciousness arising.