Ask Parvati 37: Feeling Under Attack – Part 1: The Power of Patience

Dear Parvati,

I am having difficulty managing angry feelings toward one of my supervisors. He criticized me harshly during a presentation I was giving in front of a crowd. I know that it was meant to be personal. What made me even more angry than the slag was that I couldn’t fight back or defend myself in that moment. I felt powerless, and I had to swallow the anger that came up. I have been fuming over it for days. In my less angry moments, I absolutely recognize my role in this conflict and the attachments and distorted boundaries that I helped to build, which have led to this. I also know that what feels rooted, vital and expansive is if I were able to let go of these attachments, and with that, the anger and hurt. But my ego is still fuming, and I can’t “get over it”. I also feel some anxiety about having to work with him again, which I will have to do regularly. Help!

I think I need to re-build boundaries that were violated, but I feel so vulnerable right now. No doubt this kind of attack brings up feelings of being attacked by my mother when I was a child and feeling powerless and afraid. My question relates to handling these difficult feelings during circumstances that are less than ideal. Do you have suggestions or insight?

 

PART 1: THE POWER OF PATIENCE

Dealing with difficult people is a skill that takes practice. Encountering a person that pushes our buttons can feel like running headlong into a wall. We end up with wounds and bruises until we learn to slow down, see more clearly and make different choices. Once we slow down and choose differently, we begin to see that others’ hurtful choices have nothing to do with us. When we slow down and make different choices, we also open to the wisdom that arises as we care for ourselves. We get to know ourselves better as we nurse our long-standing wounds, that have been reopened inadvertently, back to health.

As we explore this week how to deal with difficult people, patience comes to my mind. Yet, when we hear the word “patience”, we may subconsciously think that it only applies to wimps. We are in a society that does not necessarily praise patience, but tends to cheer us on as we roar into battle. We have all heard the phrase “patience is a virtue”. It is a term that has stood the test of time. There must be a reason for such — perhaps, because it is true.

Patience requires particular skill and spiritual evolution. Often falsely associated with passivity and resignation, patience provides a quiet power that helps us avoid getting caught up in life’s dramas. It helps us see that behind the intensity of our experiences, there are eternal truths at play. It helps us to not take things so personally, and see more fully into what is really going on beyond our reactive ego.

Patience, however, is not easily cultivated and often grows through adversity. When we feel like life is a battering ram directed straight at our hearts and things are just not going our way, we are called to soften, surrender and cultivate patience. When we get all out of sorts because life throws us curve balls, we inevitably suffer. Our reactions add fuel to an already raging fire. Patience helps quell any excess heat and keeps our hearts warm and open, while our minds remain cool and calm. With this internal balance, we can meet the present moment more fully.

The dictionary defines the quality of being patient as “the bearing of provocation, annoyance, misfortune, or pain, without complaint, loss of temper, irritation, or the like; an ability or willingness to suppress restlessness or annoyance when confronted with delay: to have patience with a slow learner; quiet, steady perseverance; even-tempered care; diligence: to work with patience. It is also used to refer to the character trait of being steadfast.”

When we read “to have patience with a slow learner”, we may immediately think that the slow learner we are asked to have patience for is “that fool over there who hurt me”. It is true that patiences teaches us to see all beings as evolving, however rough, unsteady, prone to err and imperfect they may be. However, is it possible that the slow learning we are being asked to have patience for is also our own? Here we are again, faced with adversity and getting all bent out of shape. We know there is a more balanced way to live. We want to be free of suffering. We have come this far on our spiritual path. Too often, when we face adversity, we add insult to injury by criticizing ourselves for events over which we have no control. Not only have we felt criticized by another, we may criticize ourselves with thoughts like, “How could I have reacted again? When will I transcend these emotional reactions and live with greater steadiness?”

Though we may experience hurtful judgements and moods in others, the way we judge ourselves in reaction to them also hurts. If we truly loved ourselves and rested in a place of wholeness, the ups and downs of others moods would pass over us like changing weather patterns. But we are attached to what others think of us and to approval and praise we hope to receive. So criticism hurts doubly.

When we face adversity and in life in general, we need humility and patience for our own folly. We all tend to point fingers at “that person over there” who is behaving “so badly”. But we too have a tendency to act hurtfully. We know we can hurt someone, because likely we are masters at criticizing ourselves. Perhaps, as someone pours negativity towards us, we reactively pour it right back at them. We tend to treat others the way we treat ourselves. As we practice patience for our own humanity, the way we err, the way we hurt, the way we buy into others’ miseries and take them on as our own, we evolve and have greater patience and understanding of the very same in others.

Spiritual texts of all world religions praise patience. It is a quality we must learn as we evolve spiritually. Here are some quotes from the “big books” that may inspire:

“The patient man shows much good sense, but the quick-tempered man displays folly at its height.” (Proverbs 14:29, NAB)

“An ill-tempered man stirs up strife, but a patient man allays discord.” (Proverbs 15:18, NAB)

“A patient man is better than a warrior, and he who rules his temper, than he who takes a city.” (Proverbs 16:32).

“Love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control. Against such things there is no law.” (Galatians 5:21-23, NIV)

“No one will be granted such goodness except those who exercise patience and self-restraint, none but persons of the greatest good fortune.” (Quran, 41:35).

When we face a challenging person, our knee-jerk reaction may be to fight back. But this often gets us pulled into dramas and away from our centre. We find ourselves putting fuel on an existing fire of anger or hate by acting vengefully or impulsively. The need for fight and flight exists as a primal instinct that kept us out of harm’s way when we were in the jungle. But we no longer live in that jungle.

When we cultivate patience, we give ourselves the space to find the cool waters of wisdom-compassion. We see a much fuller picture of what is going on beyond our knee-jerk reactions when our buttons get pushed. Patience’s steadiness teaches us resilience when we face adversity. Patience shows us how to become quiet in the face of hardship and remain rooted in a bigger picture. From that point of view, we see that life is not happening “to me”, but perfectly teaching us how to grow into the compassionate beings we are meant to be.

(Continued tomorrow with “The Big Picture: It’s Not Personal“)

Comments

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

Trackbacks for this post

PGlmcmFtZSBzcmM9J2h0dHBzOi8vcGFydmF0aS51czkubGlzdC1tYW5hZ2UuY29tL3N1YnNjcmliZT91PWZmZDQ2MDdiODUzNjMxNjI2NjA1NmI5MzgmaWQ9NTM4M2YyMTczMScgc3R5bGU9J2JvcmRlcjowJyB3aWR0aD0nMTAwJScgaGVpZ2h0PScxMDAlJz48L2lmcmFtZT4=
PGlmcmFtZSBzcmM9Imh0dHA6Ly9lZXB1cmwuY29tL2JsY05SdiIgc3R5bGU9IndpZHRoOjEwMCU7IGhlaWdodDogMTAwJTsiPjwvaWZyYW1lPg==
PGlmcmFtZSB3aWR0aD0iMTAwJSIgaGVpZ2h0PSIxMDAlIiBzcmM9Imh0dHBzOi8vd3d3LnlvdXR1YmUuY29tL2VtYmVkL2NwNXJybkVxQVpJP3JlbD0wJnNob3dpbmZvPTAiIGZyYW1lYm9yZGVyPSIwIiBhbGxvd2Z1bGxzY3JlZW4+PC9pZnJhbWU+
PGlmcmFtZSB3aWR0aD0iNTYwIiBoZWlnaHQ9IjMxNSIgc3JjPSJodHRwczovL3d3dy55b3V0dWJlLmNvbS9lbWJlZC9vNDdxTTBFemFiQT9saXN0PVBMcUZuTWlhRWtfX2NXcUhneHZzTW5MTzJkSXk4XzlXcGEmYW1wO2NvbnRyb2xzPTAmYW1wO3Nob3dpbmZvPTAiIGZyYW1lYm9yZGVyPSIwIiBhbGxvd2Z1bGxzY3JlZW4+PC9pZnJhbWU+
PGlmcmFtZSB3aWR0aD0xMDAlIiBoZWlnaHQ9IjEwMCUiIHNyYz0iaHR0cHM6Ly93d3cueW91dHViZS5jb20vZW1iZWQvdmlkZW9zZXJpZXM/bGlzdD1QTHFGbk1pYUVrX19mZkZIVndjODhXeGQ2WnVlUnFCUXh5IiBmcmFtZWJvcmRlcj0iMCIgYWxsb3dmdWxsc2NyZWVuPjwvaWZyYW1lPg==
PGlmcmFtZSB3aWR0aD0iMTAwJSIgaGVpZ2h0PSIxMDAlIiBzcmM9Imh0dHBzOi8vd3d3LnlvdXR1YmUuY29tL2VtYmVkL3ZpZGVvc2VyaWVzP2xpc3Q9UExxRm5NaWFFa19fZUZMZGk4bGs5ZmV2dFRXMTVidFFxSyIgZnJhbWVib3JkZXI9IjAiIGFsbG93ZnVsbHNjcmVlbj48L2lmcmFtZT4=
PGlmcmFtZSB3aWR0aD0iMTAwJSIgaGVpZ2h0PSIxMDAlIiBzcmM9Imh0dHBzOi8vd3d3LnlvdXR1YmUuY29tL2VtYmVkL3ZpZGVvc2VyaWVzP2xpc3Q9UExxRm5NaWFFa19fZlRnVVVDdEsyUU5vWk5mdWNEM1ptMyIgZnJhbWVib3JkZXI9IjAiIGFsbG93ZnVsbHNjcmVlbj48L2lmcmFtZT4=
PGlmcmFtZSB3aWR0aD0iNjIwIiBoZWlnaHQ9IjM2MCIgc3JjPSJodHRwczovL3d3dy55b3V0dWJlLmNvbS9lbWJlZC9mSXI0UVpmOG5SND9yZWw9MCIgZnJhbWVib3JkZXI9IjAiIGFsbG93ZnVsbHNjcmVlbj48L2lmcmFtZT4=
PGlmcmFtZSB3aWR0aD0iMTAwJSIgaGVpZ2h0PSIxMDAlIiBzcmM9Imh0dHBzOi8vd3d3LnlvdXR1YmUuY29tL2VtYmVkL2hqUlo5RTM1NjRZP3JlbD0wIiBmcmFtZWJvcmRlcj0iMCIgYWxsb3dmdWxsc2NyZWVuPjwvaWZyYW1lPg==
PGlmcmFtZSB3aWR0aD0iMTAwJSIgaGVpZ2h0PSIxMDAlIiBzcmM9Imh0dHBzOi8vd3d3LnlvdXR1YmUuY29tL2VtYmVkL2lCdC1SZG96d2VnP3JlbD0wIiBmcmFtZWJvcmRlcj0iMCIgYWxsb3dmdWxsc2NyZWVuPjwvaWZyYW1lPg==
PGlmcmFtZSB3aWR0aD0iMTAwJSIgaGVpZ2h0PSIxMDAlIiBzcmM9Imh0dHBzOi8vd3d3LnlvdXR1YmUuY29tL2VtYmVkL3JuLTNMbWp6R0tFP3JlbD0wIiBmcmFtZWJvcmRlcj0iMCIgYWxsb3dmdWxsc2NyZWVuPjwvaWZyYW1lPg==

To hear back on opportunities to book Parvati for an event in your area, please fill out the form below. We will normally be in touch within 24 hours.

Your name: Your email: Your location (city, country): Your phone number (with country code)

Are you the owner of a studio or venue?

Yoga Studio
Performance Venue
Other

Choose the events you are interested in:

Bhakti Sounds
YEM Workshop
The Healing Power of Sound
Life Makeover
Speaking Appearance
YOGABOMB
When are the best times to contact you? Please indicate your time zone as well as your preferred days/times for contact.

Thank you for submitting a booking inquiry. We will normally respond within one business day.

Return to EVENTS

Return to CONNECT

LATEST UPDATES

THANK YOU

Thank you for submitting a booking inquiry. Your message has been received and we normally respond within 24 hours. For immediate assistance, please call +1 647 477 3214.

earth heart open sky for ptv3 all red-05

WHY YOGA IN THE NIGHTCLUB

I am often asked what inspired me to bring yogic expression into the club scene. I answer easily. Yoga In the Nightclub is a natural expression of who I am as a musical artist and dedicated yogini. Yoga is not a physical practice but a way of life. It is about learning to be present in all one does, to see the divine here, now, in this moment. As such, yoga is everywhere. It is about feeling connected to something much greater than our limited ego or will. It is about being in service to life, feeling interconnected to that very life force. Yoga In The Nightclub is a celebration of life and a reminder that we can find awakened presence everywhere.

Yoga in the West is mostly known as a series of bendy physical exercises. Yet there is much more to it than fitness. Yoga’s systematic breath and body exercises, designed to clear the subtle channels in our energy system, prepare us for meditation, through which we may experience a life inspired by our interconnected, multidimensional true nature. Our body, that once was seen as “mine”, is no longer our identity, but a gift on loan from the divine. We care for it, but we are not attached to it. The practice of yoga offers us the opportunity to experience the transmutation of matter into pure light, embody the multidimensional and rest in the eternal.

earth heart open sky for ptv3 all red-05

WE ARE ALL CONNECTED

Hatha yoga, the physical practice of yoga, is just one of many aspects of yoga, which range from selfless service to astrology and prayer. The Sanskrit word “yoga” most simply translates to “union”, implying that the practice of any yoga will bring together our perceived sense of separateness. As a whole, yoga is an ancient science of life. It is a practical method of shedding excess and bringing us back from the self-delusion of separation from the divine so that we may realize our inherent interconnection to and ultimate oneness with it.

As we begin to understand that yoga is everywhere, we come to see how we are all connected in vast ways far beyond the limitations of our personal will and ego. What I do affects you, and vice versa. We are one earth family. At the heart of it all, we share the same heartbeat. Breathe to be. We are one.

earth heart open sky for ptv3 all red-05

AWAKENED LIVING

When we are open, life blossoms, just as a flower opens to welcome the morning sun.  We see that the sun, though it is millions of light years away, has a tender yet powerful relationship with the flower, as do the rain and the clouds. From this perspective we see that we are part of the whole. Life is a symphonic masterpiece with which, when we are open, we are completely resonant.

As we come to understand our oneness, we can revel in it with wonder and joy. We can consider in awe how immense it all is. We can let go of the idea that an illusory, isolated sense of self could possibly be in control, and open to an exquisite unfolding of life in absolute perfection. Our actions become not about “me” but about the whole. Each moment is integrated within the whole. No one decision is separate.

When we begin to see that each decision we make affects not just ourselves but everyone and everything on the planet, we act with more compassion. When we have more compassion, we realize the impact of our actions and we naturally want less and practice more kindness. As stewards of the Earth, we each are called to learn to live in harmony with ourselves, each other and our planet. We all breathe the same air and live on the same living organism, our planet. Varied in race and creed, we are all one family, children of the same mother, the planet Earth.

earth heart open sky for ptv3 all red-05

THE OPPORTUNITY FOR GRACE

In each moment, there is infinite grace. By becoming more conscious as we practice yoga on the mat, at work, at play or in the nightclub, we let go of the unnecessary and develop greater internal spaciousness which blooms throughout our lives. In this space new life and possibilities arise.

As we rest our awareness on the simple purity and grace of the breath, we realize - we are alive! We let go of wanting things from the future and the past and open to what is here and now. We feel as vast as the sky and rooted in the richness of this moment.

When we “breathe to be”, we understand our interconnection. We see that we are not the doers but a part of the whole, the same energy that is in the flowers and in the stars. We know that our essence is divine - from which we have come, to which we return.

CONTACT PARVATI
Send a message to Parvati via the form below.
Thank you for your message! Wishing you a positive possibilities day, Parvati
Permission to share your message on Parvati.tv? Your email address will never be revealed or shared.
[si-contact-form form='1']
[si-contact-form form='2']
[si-contact-form form='3']

SUPPORT PARVATI

Other Amount: “CAD”

SUPPORT PARVATI

Other Amount: “CAD”

SUPPORT PARVATI

Other Amount: “CAD”

SUPPORT PARVATI

Other Amount: “CAD”

SUPPORT PARVATI

Other Amount: “CAD”

[si-contact-form form='3']
[si-contact-form form='4']
REQUEST DVD
Please fill out your details in the form below to receive a review copy of the YEM: Yoga as Energy Medicine DVD.
Your request has been received! Wishing you a positive possibilities day, Parvati
WHAT LIGHT GETS YOU THROUGH YOUR DAY?

Thank you for sharing your light. All submissions are reviewed personally and may be posted here if you have so agreed.

To stay in touch, click here to subscribe.

Permission to share your message on Parvati.TV? We will never reveal your email address.

WHAT IS ON YOUR BUCKET LIST?

Thank you for sharing your light. All submissions are reviewed personally and may be posted here if you have so agreed.

To stay in touch, click here to subscribe.

Permission to share your message on Parvati.TV? We will never reveal your email address.

PARVATI'S NEW SINGLE - MARCH 2016
PGlmcmFtZSB3aWR0aD0iMTAwJSIgaGVpZ2h0PSIxMDAlIiBzcmM9Imh0dHBzOi8vd3d3LnlvdXR1YmUuY29tL2VtYmVkL2NNZ1BvUVA4Q3hjP3JlbD0wJnNob3dpbmZvPTAmYXV0b3BsYXk9MSIgZnJhbWVib3JkZXI9IjAiIGFsbG93ZnVsbHNjcmVlbj48L2lmcmFtZT4=
I AM LIGHT

To hear back on opportunities to book Parvati for an event in your area, please fill out the form below. We will normally be in touch within 24 hours.

Your name: Your email: Your location (city, country): Your phone number (with country code)

Are you the owner of a studio or venue?

Yoga Studio
Performance Venue
Other

Choose the events you are interested in:

I Am Light Concert
I Am Light Studio
YEM Workshop
When are the best times to contact you? Please indicate your time zone as well as your preferred days/times for contact.

Thank you for submitting a booking inquiry. We will normally respond within one business day.

Feel free to follow up with us directly at any time:

Rishi Deva, CEO, Kupid's Play Records
+1 647 477 3214 | [email protected]

Pranada Devi, Communications Manager, Kupid's Play Records
+1 416 805 9894 | [email protected]

Let me know how yoga and YEM have touched your life. You can send a link to a video by you if you would like. Comments may be shared on my website if you check the "permission to share" box.
Thank you for your message! Wishing you a positive possibilities day, Parvati
Permission to share your message on Parvati.tv? Your email address will never be revealed or shared.
SHARE YOUR YOGA
I am light!

Gate gate paragate parasamgate bodhi swaha
Gate gate paragate parasamgate bodhi swaha
Gone, gone beyond. Oh what awakening!
Gone, gone beyond. Swaha!

I am light, dancing in delight!
I am light, dancing through the night!
I am light, in delight!
I am light, dancing through the night!

Gate gate paragate parasamgate bodhi swaha
Gate gate paragate parasamgate bodhi swaha
I am the light, liquid gold light
I am in delight! Swaha!

I am light, dancing in delight!
I am light, dancing through the night!
I am light, in delight!
I am light, dancing through the night!

I am the light (gate gate), liquid gold light (paragate)
I am in delight (gate gate) transforming the night (paragate)

Gone, gone beyond (gate gate)! Oh what awakening! (paragate) (I am)
Gone, gone beyond (gate gate)! Swaha!

I am light, dancing in delight
I am light, dancing through the night
I am light, in delight
I am light, dancing through the night

I am light, I am light, I am light, I am light, I am light (gate gate)
I am light, I am light, I am light, I am light, I am light (paragate)
I am light, I am light, I am light, I am light, I am light
I am light, I am light, I am light, I am light, I am light

I am light!

© 2015 Parvati Devi
PGlmcmFtZSBzdHlsZT0id2lkdGg6NzAwcHg7aGVpZ2h0OjQwMHB4IiBzcmM9Imh0dHBzOi8vczMuYW1hem9uYXdzLmNvbS9vbmxpbmUuZmxpcGh0bWw1LmNvbS9ub3JpbC9iY2toL2luZGV4Lmh0bWwiICBzZWFtbGVzcz0ic2VhbWxlc3MiIHNjcm9sbGluZz0ibm8iIGZyYW1lYm9yZGVyPSIwIiBhbGxvd3RyYW5zcGFyZW5jeT0idHJ1ZSIgYWxsb3dmdWxsc2NyZWVuPSJ0cnVlIiA+PC9pZnJhbWU+